I have difficulty in speaking,where can't get myself to talk in public, where it feels like my tongue and mind is not cooperating with me . I feel uneasy in front of other people and embarrassed and also be very afraid that other people will judge about me.
I also have a hard time making friends and keeping friends.Whenever there is a gathering, there is a lot talking in the group,i'm the only one kept quiet, sit in a corner and couldn’t think of anything to say to anybody. I only answer back when there is question towards me, but i can't get the words out, feel really disturbing as though something is wrong with my brain and tongue and feel like everybody’s eyes were on me and worried about being stared and make a fool of myself. So i just answer shortly, even though can answer back better than that. Whenever I try to make conversation, I think about it, then have a hard time putting the words into sentences and sharing them out loud.
But mostly i like to show my friendship with surprise them with small gifts,help them out if they have any question in anything, i will race and search till find it, also sometime do it myself as to help them out, and being possessive to very close ones, end up maybe some thinks i'm weird.
Other than that, even though knew few languages and able speak different languages to others, but when suddenly switch to speak in another language, in that moment I feel not comfortable and can't speak fluently, where already used to speak to that person in particular language.
Other than that also worry about the occasion going to happen,where,thoughts about all kinds of things, for example, 1. before Situations: I'll make a fool of myself, I'll have nothing to say. 2. During Situations:Everyone's staring at me, I'm useless. 3. After Situations:-Everyone have thought I was an idiot, I'd be better off not even bothering, I sounded like an idiot. So I preferably stay away from crowded places and any event. Those days, I always go along with my best friend, if not i won't attend to a group meeting or event.Sometimes i feel, that i being left out, never been invited for group activities. I cried alone and little bit hurt, but later i convince myself it better for me. I sometimes thought myself: I'm weird,no-one likes me.
The following situations are stressful often happen:
Being the center of attention
Being watched while doing something
Making small talk
Being teased or criticized
Talking with “important” people or authority figures
Being called on in class
Making phone calls
Taking exams
Eating or drinking in public
Speaking up in a meeting-(this situation has change in my second job, since i got freedom to talk, whereby i used ready with colleagues and client), yet it only related to work, not normal conversation.
"Everyone has their own struggles""Everyone is different when it comes to socializing"
